Just back from a spot of R&R at a very swish hotel courtesy of Eva and Thomas. A huge thanks again you two. Not only did we get to re-acquaint ourselves with the luxuries of bacon, chocolate, brown sauce, mushrooms, cheese and funky cocktails, but we were also unexpectedly visited by a troupe of local monkeys that frequent the hotel. The monkeys aren’t mooching free food. They reject all attempts at being fed. They’re not interested in bacon or extra cheesy cheese pizza. They’re not tempted by strawberry jam filled chocolate doughnuts with sprinkly bits. They simply like the grubs and nuts and the shade on offer from the overhanging palm roofs of the hotel bungalows.

I hung around with them for a while one lazy afternoon to see what they got up to. Nothing much. I took a few snaps and left them to their monkey business. However, the following day having reflected on ‘nothing much’ I have come to the mentally shattering conclusion that our not so distant cousins have got life sussed. We evolved monkeys have screwed it all up. Lost the plot. It’s not about haring around at a 100 miles an hour, spending most of our time engaged in ‘planning’, ‘implementing’, ‘producing’, ‘achieving’, etcetera, etcetera.

It’s about lying on your stomach so your nuts can cool on a shady, smooth rock.

It’s not about the ‘bigger things in life’.

It is most definitely about the smaller ones. . .the absent minded, contentment of scratching your arse.

Nor is it about working yourself into the ground . It’s about lowering those over-achiever goals to something more manageable.

For example, picking out the fluff between your toes. A small,  personal goal that not only promotes hygiene but creates a precious moment of reflective rumination. When was the last time you reflectively ruminated? Go on. Pick a toe cleft.

It’s about sitting around and doing nothing, but importantly, it’s about doing nothing with someone else or, even better, whilst cuddling someone else.

And if you must do something do it together. Fair enough, scratching around for bugs and nuts might not be your thing but I’m sure you can come up with something.

And the answers to all those problems. Working out all those big and not so big ‘life’ questions. You don’t need drugs, You don’t need to develop your mind. It’s not even about cross party, cross gender open discussions aimed at realising mutual benefit for all concerned.

It’s about being very, very still, and very, very quiet, and staring very, very hard. At a point somewhere between your nose and infinity, you’ll find the answers.

And if staring doesn’t work, it’s about having the confidence to shrug your shoulders and walk off with your arse held high to stare another day.

Oh, and it’s about having a sharp haircut.

Instead of reaching for the stars, achieving your true potential and other such nonsense, it’s about time we went in for a little evolutionary regression. Some of us are already pondering this alternative step. Think Scottish de-evolution. Or is it devolution? Some of us have already experimented with it . . .

. . . and tragically, taken a step too far. Alas, our great unwashed brethren in Sunderland.

I am now off to the beach to find a cool, smooth rock, something furry to cuddle and to stare very, very hard at a point somewhere between my nose and the horizon.